Dreams

So, I've started having adoption dreams.  They started awhile ago, actually, but there seems to be a decent amount of space and time between each one.  So far, we've adopted two six month old boys and a newborn baby girl.  Pretty neat, huh?  I wonder how many children we will have adopted by the time this process is complete?  When I had lunch with our social worker a few weeks back, I told her about a couple of them, and she said "Wait until you stop having dreams about adopting and start dreaming about parenting.  THAT'S when the call will come... that's how it happened for me".  She said not to hold her to it, it's not scientific fact that when you dream of parenting, you get to start to actually do it.  Well, last night I had my first parenting dream.  It wasn't as clear as the adoption dreams, but I had a baby and I was bathing it.  I say it because I have no idea if this one was a boy or a girl.  It was a bald, caucasian baby.  I was giving the baby a bath, and he/she was old enough to sit up without too much support in the tub.  I woke up with a headache and my back and neck hurt.  Was it from leaning over the tub?  Was it sleep deprivation?  Is this how it's going to feel (physically) to care for a baby?  I dont' know... there were other parts to this dream that seemed unrelated.  In one part, I was running away from a Tornado.  I had a clear destination in mind, and for some reason, I chose to set out on foot and leave my car behind, and I got lost and confused as I tried to get away from the storm and to the safety of my home.  I think a therapist would have a field day with these two dreams that seemed to be back to back, or maybe they intertwined a little bit.  I guess parenting at times feels like being in the midst of a tornado, but I shouldn't feel this way yet!  It should feel the same as a new, soft puppy or rainbows or something like that, shouldn't it?  Perhaps it's the waiting that feels like a tornado.  We're anxious, waiting for something to happen, trying to brace ourselves for the emotional experience that it is sure to be, trying to prepare as best we can when there are so many unknowns.  Maybe the preparing we are doing day to day, moment to moment is us avoiding that crazy, unpredictable tornado and trying to stay out of it's path.  We want to emerge from this experience unscathed, stronger than ever, full of hope and excitement, and ready for all the incredible things that parenting will be.