Bonding and Attachment, part 2

Well, I just typed the longest blog of my blogging career so far, only to have a computer glitch wipe it out before I could save and publish.  I'll try to re-create what I just worked so hard on... you wont know if it measures up, but I will! 
First of all, I wanted to share that we have found a pediatrician as of today!  That's a big one to cross off the TO DO list.  I interviewed him today, and I really loved the guy.  He was so laid back and easy to talk to, which was a huge plus in my book.  On top of that, he has a lot of experience with adoptive families and is aware of all of the issues that could come along with that.  He's very open, has a family centered care approach, seems very intelligent and resourceful, and really appeared to know his stuff.  For what it's worth (and I know a couple of you will appreciate this) he's a big Penn State fan!  I, personally, don't care too much about that, but I think that might elevate him in the eyes of some people in this family.  He has an autographed football in his office.  He gave me some good advice for the first week of the baby's life, and he seemed genuinely excited for us. 
Anyway, the class we took the other night was so good and so packed with valuable information, there was no way that was going in one blog post.  So, here we are for part two.  Most of you likely know that our agency only works within NJ and PA.  That means our baby will come from one of those states.  Adoptive families are required to remain in the state of the baby's birth for 7-10 business days after taking custody of the baby for legal purposes.  Some papers somewhere are being shuffled around someone's desk, and ultimately signed.  If the baby is born in PA, regardless of where in PA, we can come right home.  If the baby is born in NJ, we will need to pack a bag and plan to stay there.  At first, I thought I  was hoping to come home.  What better place to be with our new baby then in our own home?  But, the more I've learned, the better NJ sounds.  We've been given a lot of education from our agency, as well as from books and articles we've read, and what they recommend right after getting the baby, is to cocoon for awhile.  Take time, just for us, to get to know each other, process what we've just experienced (this is sure to be one of the most profound, intense, and emotionally charged experiences of our lives to date). Tune the world out.  Ignore all responsiblities and focus on each other.  They actually recommend cocooning for at least the first week or two, and preferably up to one month.  The baby is adapting to being without his/her birth family though it's not a conscious feeling of loss or grief.  The baby is learning that we're mom and dad.  The idea behind cocooning is to fully allow the bonding and attachment process to develop.  The recommendation is to be stingy with the baby for awhile.  To be the only ones to meet the basic needs of the baby... feeding, bathing, diapering.  That way, the baby starts to realize that we are the ones who are the "safe base".  They say to do this for the first week or two, and up to a month.  This is not to say that nobody can come see the baby, or hold the baby.  It just means that we should be the primary people...and that when someone besides one of us holds the baby, that the baby should come back to us before moving on to the next person... we're the "home base".  It's a hard concept.  It's hard because not everyone is going to believe in the idea of an infant experiencing grief and loss, much like I thought at one time.  It's hard because people may believe that bonding happens naturally, much like I thought at one time.  It's hard because so many people love and care about us, and are as eager as we are to see this kid and hold him or her.  It's hard because we want to share it all with you... this new little person who will join our family, the joy and excitment of that event happening.  It's hard because we're a bit fearful of what people will think about how we're doing things.  It's hard because we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or leave the people out who've supported us the most.  But, what we've come to realize is that we haven't been steered wrong yet.  And ultimately, we want the absolute best for this child.  As strange as this whole concept may seem, it's temporary.  It's a relatively short time span we're talking about, compared to the lifetime that we'll have before us.  So, forgive us if we seem a little stingy with this baby in the beginning, and thank you for hanging in there with us.