6 month waitaversary

Today, as I sit on the floor of the baby's room, we celebrate passing the one year anniversary of my final positive pregnancy test (and getting through it!), celebrate surviving the first six long months of waiting for an adoption to happen, and celebrate making it through one heck of a difficult year.  I'm feeling three things.  I'm feeling sad (frustrated, disappointed, hopeless... fill in the blank) that we're still waiting.  I'm feeling proud of how well we've done it.  And, I'm feeling blessed that we can continue to do it.  Now and then, we're giving these amazing reminders of how precious life is and how we have much to be grateful for, even in the face of adversity.  Every time we look around, there's something so much more challenging that people beside ourselves are facing.  And I'm totally and completely inspired by those people and how they manage to get through those challenges.  To give you an example of what I'm talking about, I've included (below) a story from one friend of mine from high school.  Her name is Tracy, and two years ago, her 5 year old son ran out into the street into the path of an oncoming truck or minivan.  The fact that this little boy is alive today is such a miracle.  Looking at pictures of him, hearing stories of his life... you wouldn't know the journey he's been on, along with his family, for the past two and a half years.  Tracy is on a personal quest as well... she's counting her life's daily gifts in an attempt to discover 1,000 of them in 2011.  You'll notice in her story below that there are numbers... those numbers represent the number of gifts that she's identified so far this year.  I particularly like the line where she says "who has a life without struggle mixed into it?".  Nobody.  So, here I sit, thinking of Tracy and her little boy, her little miracle, as I anticipate ours.  I am thankful for the struggle that's mixed into our life, because we're simply able to have it.  I know that our baby, much like Tracy's, is going to be worth every moment that feels like struggle, and that every moment of this is a gift.

Yesterday after work I went to see the results of Aidan's latest battery of tests. On the way over the river, I marveled at my own state of mind since my first trip to meet this doctor. It is surely a Gift (#491) that I proceeded with courage and peace to face the current scope of his brain injury. And then, if one starts from a place of, "He is alive, and he is Aidan," what could she say that might make me feel we aren't totally and completely blessed??? -He IS and we ARE, and that is why I count these Gifts, because naming what God has done, what is good, is healing my broken heart (#492). It's very odd to sit in an office and have a stranger describe for me the nature of a child I grew from a seed. He needs a structured and nurturing environment. I can do that. His emotions get confused. His judgement is damaged, he won't naturally think of consequences, he won't naturally know what is right from what is wrong. He will have difficulty organizing information, especially verbal information. -- And I am thankful while I am sad because who wants struggle for their child? But who has a life with no struggle mixed into it? So begins the second leg of our journey: the Gathering of Tools. He's going to have to work hard at overcoming (don't we all?) and I'm going to have to be speaking my thought processes as we go along, so his brain can practice hearing the governing voice that got garbled when his head hit the road. There were many good moments in that meeting. But the Gift (#493) that sings to my heart was this, "A brain injury doesn't make you something you are not, it makes you MORE of what you are. Aidan is sweet, loving, and sunny. You are lucky!" Sometimes doctors say things that I already know.

Be thankful today.  Be thankful for something... there are many, many things to choose from.  Even things that feel like difficulties or challenges are things to be thankful for.  Those are the things that are real, that make us stronger, that help us appreciate the good times as well as the people who grace our lives.