Brian and I met up with Stefani, our social worker, for lunch today. It was a great break from work, always lovely to eat at Panera in the middle of the day, and great to see Stefani, whom we haven't seen in a few months. It's been difficult to feel disconnected from the group and feel like we're out here on our own, so this was perfect. As nice as it was to see her, the message was clear. We'd better settle in for the long haul. Everyone at Open Arms, especially Stefani, have been super supportive and kind. You meet them, and you know they're on your side. They WANT to make this happen for us, not just because it's their job and they need the statistics, but because they honestly care about each and every person who crosses their path. I think this is one thing that makes them so unique and so special. Along with that kindness and support comes the truth. The tough, sometimes painful, always appreciated truth. So the truth today was that they're getting busier and busier with more and more adoptive families. They're doing more outreach. They're stretching their wings and reaching more and more people. They're getting really busy. What that means for us, though, is that the wait is very real and very long. When we started with them a year ago, they told all prospective adoptive families to expect to wait two years. They are now telling their new prospective adoptive families to expect to wait 2 1/2 years. That does not mean we will, but it doesn't mean we won't. You know, when we heard to expect to wait two years, we also heard them say that it could be very fast as well... that we could wait two weeks, or two months. THIS is what we heard the loudest. That the wait could be fast. We said we were settling in for the two year wait, but truth be told (again)... we didn't expect that at all. We fully expected that we'd be parents before we knew it, that we'd be the ones they talk about when they said you could have a short wait. As time marches on and we're still without our child, we still don't actually think it's us they're talking about when they say that you may wait two years. How could that be??? Two years is a lifetime, isn't it? We've had nothing but bad luck and heartache so far in this journey, so we feel our time has come and we're so optimistic that the wait is close to being over. And yet, is it? As we sat and got our much needed pep talk and support today, I think reality hit a little bit harder. We need to embrace the fact that we're waiting, and that this could be our status for a long time to come. I think my heart hurts a little bit more today than it has so far, but it's ok. It's ok because we can take it. We're very tough and we're resilient, but right now I don't feel like being tough or resilient. I will be because I need to be, but I wish I didn't need to be. We were talking numbers with Stefani. How long do people really wait? Why? The answers, the numbers, are always the same. Some wait two weeks, some two years. A lot depends on who walks through their doors, who makes an adoption plan, who's open to what types of circumstances and scenarios. There's often no rhyme or reason to it. What she told us, too, is that of the 70 or 80 women a year that they counsel, only 16-18 will make an adoption plan for their babies. That seems crazy, right? But when you think about it, that's darn good counseling they're getting. They work so hard to make sure that this is in the best interest of everyone... mothers, fathers, babies, extended families, hopeful adoptive families, etc. They try to help the women find resources to help. The better prepared the birth families are, the less "disrupted" adoptions they have. If after all of the counseling they receive, they choose an adoption plan, chances are, this is absolutely the best choice for them, and it protects us in the long run.
I think our meeting today was good, but I feel like it made it more challenging for me. At least today feels challenging. I kinda like my little fantasy world. That's the one I prefer to live in. It's the one where our baby is getting closer and closer and is almost here... the one that has us parenting before the holidays and not passing by yet another milestone... the one year "wait" mark. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the fantasy!
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