Parenthood

Anyone out there watch the show "Parenthood"?  I love that show!  I've loved it since it came on the air three or four seasons ago.  It's high drama, which I love so long as it's not a part of my real life.  I, in fact, do not like drama.  But, apparently, I love to watch it.  The show is very well done.   The actors and actresses do a great job. The characters are all likable and believable.  They're a family that fights like real families fight.  They fight with all that they've got, they hurt each other, they eventually apologize and move on, work things out, do what they need to do.  But, it's believable.  They love deeply, passionately.  They care about each other, they enjoy spending time together.  The show deals with some really tough topics.  I don't know many families that deal with SO MANY big issues, but this is TV, afterall, and the show must go on.  So, new issues are constantly cropping up.  They've tackled such things as infidelity, racism, interracial relationships, Asperbergers, drugs, alchohol, addiction, unemployment, relationships and age differences, etc.  Well, I'm sure by now, even if you don't watch the show, you're probably guessing why I'm bringing this up and what the latest storyline entails.  You got it!  Infertility and adoption.  At first, I was thrilled that they were talking about infertility.  I thought maybe they'd get it right.  They did pretty well, actually, though I felt it wasn't given nearly enough time and attention, because I know what a long, drawn out process anything involving a person's fertilty can be.  But, whatever.  They didn't make it out to be an easy fix.  Now, we move on to adoption (remember, I just mentioned that it wasn't an easy fix... it wasn't resolved).  So, I'm not going to be the person involved in adoption who stands up on my soap box and goes on and on about anything and everything adoption.  I'm not going to make my life all about it... it's one aspect of my life.  I'm not the adoption advocate who's out there criticizing the highway department because they throw out the concept of adoption in such inappropriate ways ("Adopt a highway"... like I'm going to parent that!), or doing the same with animal protection/advocacy groups ("Adopt a Panda").  I'm not watching movies and programs and finding fault all the time with how they portray adoption.  But, because I love Parenthood, and I'm afraid I'm about to be seriously disappointed in the writers on this one, I feel the need to discuss the storyline that's just getting underway, in the wrong way, about adoption.  Damn you, Parenthood, for disappointing!  Anyway, the story is just beginning.  At the end of last season, characters Julia and Joel, realizing that they want to expand their family but can't do it in a biological way, decide they'd like to adopt.  Fast forward to the first episode of the next season.  Julia and Joel haven't had any "interviews".  This is one way that some agencies do match birth and adoptive families together.  I have a friend who's going down the domestic adoption route as well, and she's using a different agency.  They do set up "interviews" between the birth family and the prospective adoptive family.  Oh, how thankful am I that we don't have to go through that?  I'd be a complete and total wreck each time and we would truly never become parents!  Anyway, back to Julia and Joel.  In this next episode, they're trying to become more intersting and attractive to birth parents and they're putting together a video profile in which Julia is saying that they are cool and have Lady Gaga's music in their home.  Then, fast forward and hour or so and she's at her office (she's a Lawyer) and she goes to the coffee cart to get a Latte, and she asks the young girl behind the counter (probably a Lady Gaga fan), who does not look pregnant to me, if she's pregnant.  A lot of inappropriate behavior follows, and ends with the girl telling Julia she is pregnant, but she's not "keeping it".  Really?  Surprise surprise.  We could see that coming from a mile away.  As the show goes on, Julia says more than once to family and friends that "Latte Girl" is pregnant and that she wants to "buy" the baby.  Ok, given that the character of Julia is not always appropriate, it might make sense that she'd say these incredibly stupid things, but how nice would it be if the writers of this show could get it right?  They're going to need to back up a bit, and I don't really see that happening (now, I didn't see this week's episode yet, so if any of you watch it, maybe there's something going on that I dont' know about yet, so forgive me if I ramble about things that I shouldn't ramble about).  First of all, "Latte Girl" has a name.  She's a person.  She has a story.  She's likely in pain, about to make the most difficult and courageous decision of her life.  If "Latte Girl" were real, and there are a lot of "Latte Girls" out there, she likely wouldn't be so flip about it, as if she doesn't care about that baby.  We know by now that most birth parents, if not all, are deeply in love with and deeply committed to their unborn children, and that's the reason they make an adoption plan.  They're not "giving them up".  They're doing the opposite.  They are planning for that child's future.  They're making the ultimate sacrifice for that baby.  When people make the conscious decision to get pregnant and have a baby, aren't they doing it out of selfishness?  I was when I was trying.  We wanted a baby.  We want a family.  We were thinking of ourselves first, though we know that the baby that becomes ours will have the best life we can possibly offer that child, and everything will become about him/her.  However, the first choice we made: to get pregnant and have a baby, was not for the baby's sake, but for ours.  That doesn't make us bad people.  That makes us human.  Just like everyone else.  I supposed our decision to adopt is just as selfish.  We're not doing it to give a poor needy child a home.  We're doing it because we want a baby.  After our need is met, we'll then pour our entire selves into meeting the needs of that baby.  Our first decision about our family is a selfish one.  No doubt.  But, think about the birth mother.  Her first decision was not to intentionally get pregnant.  People may argue that she was selfish not to prevent pregnancy, and though I don't agree, we could understand that thought, but we can't change it.  Her decision to place her child for adoption, to make an adoption plan, for her baby is the most unselfish act one person can do for another.  I'd like the writers of Parenthood to recognize this in some way on the show.  I want them to educate Julia.  By the time we were putting our profile together, we'd had lots of education through our agency and we knew so much about it.  We knew that we weren't "buying" a baby.  Yes, adoption is expensive, but we're not "buying" the baby.  Do people who give birth "buy" their babies?  They pay the hospital.  They pay for their benefits and then the insurance company pays the hospital.  A lot of money.  No. People pay for a service.  They pay for the doctor to deliver the baby.  They pay for the medications and other medical care they're getting.  They are not paying for the baby.  That's true in adoption as well.  We're paying for a service.  We're paying for our Criminal background clearances.  We're paying for our homestudy and the work our social workers put into writing up the reports and approving us.  We pay for the seminars and workshops that we attend.  We'll pay for a lawyer to help us with the legal aspects of adoption.  We are not paying for the baby.  Babies are not to be bought and sold.  So, please, give Julia the right language.  Help educate not only her, but the thousands of people who tune into the show each week and may or may not be familiar with what birth families and adoptive families are going through.  It's a really difficult road.  Don't make us look like insenstive idiots along the way.  Chances are, while we're waiting for our biggest heart's desire, we're questioning ourselves and our capability, our choices and our entire lives enough on our own, without the help of the media or anyone else.