The Pear Tree

Well, feeling a bit better today.  See?  This is how it goes.  Up one day, down the next.  I think we need to get used to it.  This is how it goes.  Today we're heading to a free car seat inspection, to make sure the seat is installed correctly and is +safe for the little /*-uy.  We keep thinking there's one more thing that we need to do before we get the call, so maybe, just maybe, this is it.  Could be.  Probably not.  But we'll keep looking for that one last thing, and guess what?  Chances are, there will be something we do before the call that we can say "Ah!  So THAT was it!".  Yup.  We will find something to make ourselves believe we were in control of it all along.  We're also going to a tennis expo tonight with friends.  Another item on the bucket list... spend time with friends, doing things that will be not necessarily impossible, but more difficult with an infant.
Our pear tree is growing like crazy!  Do you remember me mentioning that a co-worker gave us a pear tree in honor of our baby after we lost our pregnancy last summer?  It's called a "Moon Glow" pear tree and it was a little scrawny thing, but so cute and really special.  We planted in the corner of our backyard.  We needed something for that corner, as our Paper Bark Maple tree that we'd planted there the year before didn't make it through the first winter.  So, our empty hole was filled with a tree, to help us deal with our empty arms and the hole in our hearts.  It was great watching that tree really spring to life this year.  It took off, even producing some fruit.  Not any pears that we could eat this year, but they were pretty good looking.  I look at that tree and think it's really symobolic of our life.  We're growing every day, right along with it.
I remember that same co-worker coming to me a month or so later, tears in her eyes, saying that she had something she needed to tell me.  I was so nervous!  I thought she was going to deliver some awful news of some sort.  I work in a Children's Hospital with some mighty sick kids, after all.  But, no.  She said she was worried that I was going to be mad at her (ok, when do I really, really get mad?  Guess she doesn't know me all that well!) and at that point, I guessed it.  She was pregnant.  I just sparred her the anguish of spitting it out, and asked her "Are you pregnant?".  She thought I'd be mad that she's pregnant?  Really?  No, I reassured her.  I may be envious.  I may be mad at my stupid situation.  But, honestly, I could only be happy for her.  A wonderful person, a wonderful gift.  Simple as that.  I was excited and so happy for her.  And, a year later, her 4 month old daughter is a beautiful, perfect little girl that I got the honor of holding not too long ago.  I remember smiling and loving the feel of that little one in my arms.  People at work were worried about it, and came to me afterwards to check in.  So thoughtful.  Yes, I'm so happy for her, and yep, wish it were me, but really, this is good, and I'm ok.  It will be me, bringing my baby in for them to ow and ah over before too long.  I love that pear tree.  It acknowledges what came before, and it's a hopeful reminder that our baby is coming!