Due Date

January 10, 2012- 

Well, no baby yet.  We know that M was only one centimeter dilated yesterday, so it could be awhile or it could start to pick up and happen quickly.  We all know that!  We’re trying to settle into this new “wait” as best we can.  We were just getting good at the other one, and now this new one has us rattled!  Talk about anxiety times 10!  But, we’re doing ok, trying to focus on our daily lives and our jobs, trying to keep busy.  As I sit in eager anticipation of what’s to come and what’s hopefully to be, I find myself thinking constantly about M.  I know that most pregnant people, at this point in the pregnancy, are so ready for it to end, for the baby to come out already, so that she can feel better and they can meet their beautiful baby.  What about in this situation?  M. appears very committed to the adoption plan.  She is not wavering at this point.  So, is she silently hoping that this precious little one hangs tight for awhile?  Does she want to keep him or her as close as possible for as long as possible?  Or, does she want to give birth as badly as we want her to?  Is she dreading the next week of her life?  Is she feeling at peace and content with her decision?  It’s my natural tendency to worry about people and to want to take care of them… I guess I might feel it even more in this case.  After all, she’s the woman who may just make me a mamma.  She may give Brian and I something we want so desperately.  Tonight, I wish her comfort and peace.  I hope she knows she’s being thought about, that her feelings matter to us.  She’s not just a means to an end for us.  We care, and we want her to know that.