It's a GIRL!

January 27, 2012 

Brooklyn Lily Metzger entered the world at 4:51 PM, weighing in at 6 lbs. 14 oz. and 20 ½ inches long.  OMG!  I can’t believe it!  I’m amazed, shocked, in awe.  We got the call about 20 minutes after she was born, and were with her by 6 PM.  I didn’t know what to expect… our emotions were running wild.  M.’s sister’s partner was there, and we were told that before we went into the room.  She was holding Brooklyn, and right away I just went to M. and hugged her, almost afraid to look at the baby.  I wanted M. to know that we were thinking of her, not just ourselves.  But, as seems to be M.’s style, she just said, “Teri, do you want to hold her?”.  Of course.  Of course.  My daughter, Brooklyn.  I felt so thankful, so grateful, so amazed that M. was that generous with us.  Her sister’s partner handed her to me.  She was clearly uncomfortable, clearly struggling with this, so we didn’t push it with her.   She had a 2 hour drive back home, and was preparing to leave as arrived.  I don’t know if she was leaving because we were there, or because she just had to get on the road, but we could sense her hesitation, or her sadness, or something that wasn’t all rosey and happy.  Understandable.  I think that yesterday, we were so shell shocked that I felt pretty detached.  I mean, I had some tears, I felt nervous and excited, but I didn’t feel like Brooklyn was ours as soon as she was placed in my arms.  I couldn’t stop staring at her, but I certainly didn’t feel that connection, that instant mother/daughter bond that I had hoped for.  I’m sure, looking at it objectively now, that it was my subconscious trying to protect us, because until the papers are signed on Sunday night, she’s really not ours yet.  The funny thing is, M. is being so giving and caring towards us, referring to us as her parents, giving us free reign with her.  In fact, she let me give Brooklyn her first bottle.  Amazing.  I felt like I was stealing a moment that belonged to M., but she really seems ok with everything.  Brian and I got a bath class from the “baby nurse”, and it didn’t feel good to me because she (the nurse) had her back to M. throughout the whole experience.  It felt so great to be treated as her parents, but at the same time, I felt such a sadness for M.  M. seems to be doing great, hasn’t cried, hasn’t seemed sad.  It’s hard to say if she’s also protecting herself, or if she’s just so secure in this choice that she’s ok.  Overall, I felt detached yesterday.  Maybe a little bit in shocked.  Our social worker was there the whole time, helping and supporting all of us.  I didn’t sleep a wink last night.  I couldn’t get that beautiful baby, and she is totally beautiful, out of my mind.  I don’t think I talked about the name… Brooklyn was a name that Brian and I heard along the way somehow, though we can’t remember how anymore, and we just loved it.  There’s a song called I.And.Love.And.You by the Avett Brothers that we both really love that talks about a Brooklyn.  So, we knew this was the first name that we wanted.  M.’s mother (who adopted her as a baby) was named Lillian, and if M. had chosen to parent, Brooklyn would have been Lillian Veronica.  We wanted to honor M. and her mother, so we shortened Lillian to Lily and gave it to her as a middle name.  We were nervous, but M. really seems to love it.  We’ve talked about it a few times now, and so she is Brooklyn.  If yesterday I felt detached, today, I fell in love.  I can’t say enough about what an ideal experience this has been.  It’s so special, this time with all of us including M.  She’s so open, so giving, so generous.  It’s hard for me to put into words all that I feel for her and this baby.  She really sees us as the parents, and she’s interested in being involved but has said that she’ll defer to us as to what’s in Brooklyn’s best interest.  Wow.  I couldn’t have imagined a more ideal experience.  I’m at a loss for words right now, so I’ll close here and just leave you with this.  We’ve got a beautiful daughter who is the greatest gift of my life, and we’ll forever love and cherish M. for what she has done for us.