For Real This Time?

January 25, 2012 

It’s Wednesday night, and yesterday we got a call from Stefani saying that M. had called and told her that the doctor had a “conflict” with today and postponed her being induced until tomorrow.  YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!???  Amazing how a baby’s birth is dependent on the doctor’s plans, isn’t it?  So, we endured another long one, waiting for baby.  We took the day, just the two of us, to spend relaxing as best we can, and to just be.  I know I couldn’t have dealt with another day at the office, taking care of someone else’s kids while waiting for my own, keeping the secret and lying some more when people say “what’s new?”, or “have you heard anything yet?”.   We mostly hung out at home, packing, reading, finding ways to waste time.  We went to Movie Tavern, had dinner and saw the sad, intense movie “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” about a boy who loses his father on 911.  We expected it to be a tear jerker… it was, but not as much as we’d expected… and thought it might actually be helpful in releasing some strong, pent up emotion.  We didn’t get that from it, but we did have two hours where we weren’t obsessing about an upcoming birth.  We’ve had M. on our minds.  Stefani called tonight to tell us that she’s getting scared, and that she asked Stefani to be there with her as she gets started in the morning.  We’re thankful that she felt comfortable reaching out for support.  Part of me wishes it could be me there with her, but I’m probably too invested in the baby to truly be there for her in the way that she needs someone to be there for her.  I just can’t imagine how it must feel for her, about to give birth which is scary enough, but to be alone, and to know you’re making an adoption plan.  You do the work, someone else gets the glory.  I feel for her.  My heart hurts a little bit for her tonight.  Wow.  I really can’t believe my child is going to be born tomorrow.  This fantasy child, the one we’ve talked about, obsessed over, planned for, longed for, dreamt about… this child is coming into the world tomorrow, and we’re so, so grateful.