From the Ordinary to the Extraordinary

January 7, 2012

The day started out ordinary enough.  A gorgeous, sunny, and warm January day.  Yes, I did say WARM January day.  It was close to 60 degrees today!  Miracles never cease, right?  Brian and I set out to get our lives under control by way of cleaning and organizing, putting away Christmas decorations, and in general, just establishing a sense of order so that we can settle into this new year with positive attitudes and a feeling of peace.  We, like everyone else, have made some New Year’s Resolutions that center around healthy living… getting back to the gym, taking a few classes there, eating better, losing baby weight (yes, I’ve started to think of it affectionately in that way, as I’m a stress/comfort eater and we’ve had just a little bit of stress and anxiety these past few years!), and taking good care of ourselves.  We’re off to a great start; encouraging each other and finding that inner determination that we both know we possess, but that we let elude us from time to time.  We’re working on figuring out where we are spiritually, what we want for our future little one, what we want for ourselves, etc.  We’re busy with this self-work!

Anyway, I digress.  We started going about our business.  Had breakfast, hung out a bit, Brian started some laundry, and I decided to head out and get a handful of errands done and out of the way.  We both wanted to get the “chores” done as soon as possible so that we could get outside and enjoy this day.  Ruby was hoping for a walk at the bird sanctuary.

Before the holidays, we’d met with Stefani for a home study update.  She suggested at that time that we change the front cover of our profile, as we had a picture of us on it that was looking off to the side, rather than straight at the camera, and she felt that when a birth mother looks at it, we’re not “looking at her”.  We agreed.  It was something we’d all gone back and forth about last year when we started this process, but we ended up going with one that in the end might not be the best.  We had Mary (Brian’s mom) take a bunch of pictures of us while we were down in Aiken, SC visiting a few weeks ago.  We found one that Stefani liked, though I was unsure of.  Trusting her, we had the profiles printed up.  I wasn’t happy with the results, because our faces looked blotchy.  I sent them off to her and she told me she’d call me to talk about them after she got them in the mail.  So, this is the part where our ordinary day switched and became the extraordinary.

I’d completed most of my errands and had two quick ones left to go.  I was trying hard to get done by a certain time of the day, so I was on a mission.  As I was pulling into the parking lot of the Ulta store to go and purchase my new flat iron, my phone rang and it was Brian’s ring.  I almost missed the call, because I had to pull into my parking space, dig through my purse and try to find that darn phone.  Are you sitting down?  Please do.  Brian says to me “Hey, Ter… Stefani called.  No joke”.  My heart started hammering inside my chest and my eyes started to tear up, but I quickly came to my senses and said “She said she was going to call to talk about our profile”.  Brian seemed to think this was different, though, because she said that she thought it was better if she talked to us together and asked that we call her back when I got home.  I forced myself to finish my errands while literally fighting back tears.  I was analyzing everything, trying to create the explanation that I really wanted.  After all… it’s Saturday, and she doesn’t work Saturdays, so why would she call to talk about profiles? Also, she’s an emailer.  Most of our contact about such things is done via email.  Why would she want to call us about it?  All she has to do is say its fine or it’s not.  Was she thinking she’d be calling us anyway?  AND, why would she feel it was better to discuss profiles with both of us present?  I knew.  My heart and my head were telling me that this was IT.  THE CALL we’ve been anticipating for so long and praying for.  This was the moment… the one that begins to change our lives forever.  The moment when I realize that it’s really happening.  The dream I’ve carried close to my heart for my entire life is potentially coming true.  How did I get so lucky?  How could this be?  How could this NOT be?  I raced through those last two errands and tried to control myself as I pointed my car towards home.  Forced myself to put away the groceries before running for the telephone.  Brian helped, and we went and sat together, phones in hand, and Brian dialed Stefani’s cell phone.  We looked at each other as we waited for her to pick up… knowing, and barely able to breathe.  She asked how we were (ok, a formality but you KNOW how we are… no time for chit chat!), and started the conversation by asking if we were sitting down, then saying that she wanted to talk to us both because, while this is still a potential situation and things can change, there’s a woman who is due to give birth on Tuesday (TUESDAY…??!! That’s 3 days from now!!  HOLY CRAP!) and that she loves us.  She loves us.  The conversation went on and on, but I couldn’t hear much.  Someone chose us to potentially parent her baby.  Wow.  I can’t breathe… what an enormous honor.  What a blessing.  What a gift.  This stranger looked at a bunch of pictures of us, read our story, and wants to entrust the life of her most precious gift to us…  literally putting a piece of her life into our hands.  I can’t think of anything more profound than that.   I can’t think of anything more special and meaningful.  I can’t think of a greater responsibility that we’re so eager and willing to take on.  We understand that this is not a done deal until it’s done… this lovely woman has 3 days after the baby is born before she’s able to sign her rights away.  She can change her mind at any time, and while Stefani feels good about her for a variety of reasons, there is one red flag.  We’re told to protect our hearts… which I have no idea how to do because I’ve never learned it.  So, I don’t want to even try.  I’m going to move through the next several days with hope in my heart and trust in my soul, and just see how this is meant to play out.  I have to trust that it’ll work out as it’s meant to be, and that we’ll all be better and stronger for whatever that may be.  No matter what happens next, we’ve already been given one of the most amazing and precious gifts…this woman chose us.  She loved us, and she chose us.